Dziewczynka zza zasłony. Uzdrawianie wewnętrznego dziecka

The book the Girl behind the Curtain, was written by Stella Veritas-Amare in Warsaw w 2020 and published by Wydawnictwo eneteia.

“The Girl Behind the Curtain” is the first volume in the “Girl” series. It covers the author’s memoirs from conception to the age of seven. It is a record of the stream of consciousness that the author created for the purpose of self-therapy. Stella not only revisits the events from the most important period of her life, but also tries to reincarnate herself. To become anew the child she once was and to feel herself and the world around her anew.

“A tiny falling star that no one saw in time. Unseen, unwanted, unnoticed. Why did it appear? Is it capable of shining?” (p. 16)

Even before Stella was born, her parents divorced, her mother and her older son leaving her abusive alcoholic husband. Could these events have seeped into the safety of fetal life and made a lasting mark on Stella?

When Stella was two years old her mother again had to make a difficult decision. The girl was not accepted to the kindergarten and in order not to lose her job, the woman gave the girl to her mother. Stella spent nine months with her grandmother. A caring and loving grandmother, but only a grandmother, not a mother.

It is very easy to objectify a child. To reduce to a small not fully developed being, not understanding or having deeper feelings. It is easy to rationalize this. After all, the child is emotionally immature, so why should we explain it to it anyway, it is too difficult for it. Besides, it is all for the child’s own good.

A child sees, hears and, above all, feels everything. Even if it does not understand. All experiences are conscientiously deposited, for scientists in the subconscious, for poets at the bottom of the soul. And they wait. Sooner or later they will make themselves known. As nightmares. As an excessive need for control. As aggression. As low self-esteem. And so on.

In Stella, the trauma of abandonment and rejection has acted as a pebble that triggers an avalanche. With each passing year there are more problems, more fears, more guilt and feelings of inferiority and worthlessness. The girl hides behind a veil, this is her defense mechanism. She slowly loses herself in favor of becoming conforming to the expectations of others. To not feel, to not think, to obey.

This book allows adults to peek behind the curtain, to see what children are hiding from them, what they are ashamed of, what they are afraid of, and what they blame. What they want to hide so that they don’t come off as weaklings unworthy of love.

The book is only available in it’s original language Polish.

More recommended books can be found here.